


A Slow-Going Silence

by tardiscrashing



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Future Castiel, Future Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-14
Updated: 2013-01-14
Packaged: 2017-11-25 12:31:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/638927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tardiscrashing/pseuds/tardiscrashing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I tried to find the answers in my fears<br/>But what was found is lost again, as soon as it appears."</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Slow-Going Silence

“What? I like past you.”

Cas had looked at him with a smug smile and his eyes daring Dean to say something. Dean kicked back in his chair, taking a drink from the whiskey bottle in his hand. What the hell did Cas mean by that? By now, Dean could read him like a book, knew when there was something else he wasn’t saying. Cas had gained himself a smugness and a sense of sarcasm that would’ve made his past self proud. Dean couldn’t say that he wasn’t partially responsible for that.He set his drink down, his eyes falling on the uncovered window that looked out on some of the other cabins. He could see Cas’ light was still on, and since they would be heading out on a mission from which they might not return in just a few short hours, it looked like it was now or never.

The rest of the camp was quiet. His doppelganger was sleeping in one of the spare hammocks they kept around. It had been a very interesting day and with what tomorrow could bring, he figured he better get any left-over frustrations he had with Cas out now. Dean stopped at the beaded curtain doorway, poking his head just inside. He didn’t want to catch Cas in the middle of something like he had more than once before. It was very different, having sex with Cas and watching Cas have sex with someone else. Dean could feel the jealousy boiling in his stomach when he saw those girls touching him, and the stab to his heart when Cas would notice him and just keep going.

They had their moment, they had their nights of passion, they had their twisted bits of falling out and now they had pieces left to pick up. They were both increasingly stubborn, and neither was about to give an inch to the other. Dean hated himself for it some days. After losing Sam, Cas was all he really had, and he pushed him away. But he did it to protect him. At least, that’s what he told himself.

“Cas? You alone in there?” Dean called.

“It’s safe oh fearless leader. Come on in.”

Dean walked through, his hands already down in defense, “I told you before, don’t call me that.”

“Sorry, what should I call you? Sargent? Captain? Great one? I mean, I certainly can’t call you by your name because Dean is that guy who showed up out of the blue today and still has a sense of humour and still cares about his friends.” Cas snarkily pushed past Dean, avoiding eye contact.

“Cas, I care about you. You know I do.”

Cas shook his head, and Dean heard him give a little sigh under his breath, but he said nothing. 

“Is that what you meant earlier? When you said you liked past me? You wish I was still that guy?”

Cas whirled around, his teeth gnawing gently at his lower lip. He set down the pill bottle he had reached for and took a few steps toward Dean. “Of course that’s what I meant. I miss that Dean. He’s still got life in him. It’s a hard life, but it’s his, and he fights so hard for it. And here you are, ready to walk into a war zone and throw it all away.”

“I have nothing left Cas!”

“You have me!”

Dean started silently at the man who had been his friend for so long now. Those eyes that were once a brilliant shade of blue, full of life and wonder, they looked so old now. He heard Cas take a deep breath, and turn his face away.

“Cas…”

“I don’t want to hear your bullshit apologies Dean. I know how you feel.”

“No.” Dean grabbed Cas by the shoulder and whirled him around, “No, you don’t. There are things I’m afraid to tell you. Because I’m afraid to admit them to myself. Like how I still miss Sam every day. And I would give anything to change what I’ve become. More than that, I would give anything for you…for us to be the way we were. I know I’m not that guy anymore. I can’t change that, and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for everything that I’ve done. And I’m sorry for things I haven’t done. I’m sorry that I used you to hide my pain and I never tried to help you with your own. Because you’re a good man Cas. You’re a great man. And I am so sorry that I abandoned you.”

Cas turned his face away, trying to pull away from Dean. He couldn’t hear this now, he didn’t want to hear this now. He tried to reach for the pill bottle, but Dean grabbed his arm and pulled him back towards himself.

“No Dean! Stop! You don’t get to do this now! Not now! Not when I know what’s going to happen tomorrow. You don’t want to say it, but I know! I know you Dean!”

Dean said nothing, wrapping his arms around Cas and pulling him close into his body. Cas let his hand rest loosely on Dean’s back, Dean feeling the occasional tug of Cas pulling at his jacket. The two men who had once shared intimate moments stood in a silent, somewhat awkward embrace. Cas buried his nose into Dean’s neck and took in the scent of him, that musky dirty smell that was so unmistakeably Dean. He would miss this. 

Cas suddenly pulled back, “You have to tell him.”

“What?”

“Him. Other Dean. You have to tell him about us.”

“Cas it wasn’t until after Croatoan happened that there even was an us.” Dean looked a bit puzzled. “Besides, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Dean, I felt things for you before then. I just didn’t know how to show them. He’s going to go back to his time and he’s going to save everyone, because he’s you and that’s what you would do. You know he will Dean. So everyone gets a happy ending, except us?”

Dean sighed softly. “You’re not that Castiel. The circumstances of our relationship will only work for us. This is it Cas.” Dean walked toward him slowly, until they were standing face to face. Dean cupped Cas’ face in his hands and softly pressed his lips to the other man’s. “This is the end.”


End file.
